ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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