who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
