Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
