why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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