Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is Oprah even human
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
