You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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