I am in a vortex of obligation.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
