dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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