My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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