I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
