Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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