My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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