I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
