Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
