You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
