A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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