I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
