A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
