Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
