maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
