I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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