oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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