When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
