Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
