Your tits are I can't wait for
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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