The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
