Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
