You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
