I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
