ugly people sure do ruin things
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
