I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
