Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
