Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
