there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
