I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
