She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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