.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
