Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
