I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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