i just google imaged poop.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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