My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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