If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
