No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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