Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
