Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
