I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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