i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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