i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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