Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
...so i touched it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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