i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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